My twelfth wedding anniversary is right around the corner. It feels like just yesterday I was a young college graduate planning a wedding during my residency.  I thought I had it ALL figured out, and I had no
idea I had just served myself a full plate. Everyone gives you newlywed advice, some was true, some was useless.  I’ll share what has served us over the past decade plus.

The first two years are the hardest, and this was definitely true for us. You don’t ever truly know someone until you are living together as a married couple.  It sounds silly, but something about being married
changes the dynamic.  It takes those first few years to figure out who you are as married human beings.  Be patient and tolerable as you both fall in to your roles in marriage.  Those roles are different for
everyone, and only those in the marriage will know what is right for your relationship.

Never go to be bed angry (insert our eye roll). This does not work for us; I’d rather go to bed mad and wake up with a fresh perspective and rested thoughts
than fight at night. For us, things escalate into something else entirely. Mind you, it all
depends on the issue at hand, but I’d say our disagreements are minor and nothing can worsen with a night of sleep.  Stepping away from a fight can give you both time to reflect and choose your words thoughtfully.

Make your house a home.  This is important, whether you are staying with family (we lived with my mom for a few months after getting married), renting, or have bought your starter house, make it your own. It does not matter how temporary it might be, make a space you love and share. It can be as simple as getting a house plant you both like, or hanging art you both love. Make the space you share special and reflective of
your love. Even if you’re not in your ‘dream house,’ it doesn’t mean it’s not your personal island. What I mean is, your dream home isn’t a place at all, it’s
your relationship.  That love you share is your home.  (cheesy I know!)

Now I’ll offer my own words of wisdom….

*Don’t be petty.  Not everything is worth the fight, choose your battles.  There is no reason to feel a certain way about every little thing.  There are a lot of things that don’t deserve your energy.  If it’s not something that directly impacts your life and happiness, let it go.

*Try new experiences together.  Bonding over new things you haven’t tried really breathes life into your relationship, whether it’s trying a new restaurant, vacation destination, or a new hobby. There’s
something about the new with the old that feels like it’s the essence of every evolving life.  It’s easy to stay in your comfort zone but it’s fun to break free.   Fun is where it’s at, trust me.

*You don’t have to be ‘one’.  Just because two people come together in a marriage doesn’t mean you must become one.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with having your own ideas, interests, and identity outside your marriage.  I think this has been key to happiness in our marriage. We both have our own interests that have nothing to do with the other, and there are zero expectations that the other must be
interested in them.  Having an identity outside of your marriage takes
the pressure off of a union defining you as a person.  I think we were all meant to be multifaceted in life to reach our full potential
as people, and to acquire true happiness.

*Date often.  This is a key component to my marriage.  Ever and I go on dates often, where we get out alone together often. There’s something about being in a hotel room that makes things feel fresh and spicy. Dates also give us time to remember why we love each other, reasons that have nothing to do with the daily grind of a family. We reestablish the connection between him and I, before a business and kids.

These are just some gems that have worked for me.  There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage or the perfect formula for one. Do what works for you, and also admit what doesn’t. Identify problems, and change them.  Also remember that there are seasons to marriage, things change and
your ability to adapt and keep a strong connection will be key.  The most crucial component is the desire to want to make it work, and then…. guess what, it works!

Happy Anniversary Ever, if you read this I love you and I thank life everyday that I have you!  You da best there is! My self-proclaimed “black belt husband” Te Amo!

Xoxo Linda