If you follow my stories on Instagram, then  you are aware that Elle received her first detention. Now, if you know my Elle then you know she’s a straight shooter, and she prides herself on following the rules (almost to a fault). I’m not trying to brag, but she’s legitimately a good kid all around, so I knew that she was not ok when she got detention. I could see it all over her face when she got in the car and told me what transpired.  She wasn’t upset, but annoyed, which was the EXACT reaction I could wish for because of her personality.  I quickly explained that I was in no way, shape, or form mad at her and that she did absolutely nothing wrong. Oh, did I fail to mention what she got detention for? Well,  it was for a dress code violation. She had a Nike “check” or “swoosh” mark on her white crew socks, which she has been wearing for the past couple years without complaints. The swoosh resulted in her having to sit out at recess while her friends played, and I got an email.  Elle attends a Catholic school.

So, before I begin my rant, I’d like to clarify that there are many many things I love about catholic school (obviously, or I would have never enrolled Elle). First,  I love the class size, I love the traditional curriculum, I love the faith and the importance of prayer that is instilled at an early age (I know those two things have carried me through many difficult times in my life, and I wish I had learned them as a child). I love the tight community and communication that a private school provides. These are all important factors when I chose a Catholic school.

This being said, in the four years Elle has been there I’ve had some issues with her school’s rules and guidelines. The first was in kindergarten. Elle wore navy blue shorts (as the boys did) and some times she’d wear the skort, but after a few weeks I got a note that she was not allowed to wear the shorts (only boys are allowed shorts). This irritated me because it made no sense, especially when on physical education days they ALL wore shorts. I let it go because I don’t tend to make things an issue, and frankly I don’t have time to fight.  First grade went off without a hitch, or maybe my memory is short.

In second grade,  COVID reared it’s ugly head and we went virtual. During that eternal summer break I let Elle do something she had dreamt of as far as I could remember. I let her dye her hair a bright shade of purple. I knew we weren’t going back in person that fall, so I figured it would brighten her life even if it was just at home. School started virtually, and a a few days in I get a call from her teacher informing me that Elle needed to dye her hair back to brown. I explained we had every intention once school started back in-person, but I was told that she had to obey the rules even when distance learning. I was shocked and appalled.  Elle was devastated because she LOVED her purple hair, it gave her so much confidence. I told her that we could switch schools if it was important to her and that her hair is hers (just as any body part), and she can make her own decisions. She decided that she loved her school and wanted to stay, and asked  if each summer she could go purple. I quickly agreed, because I want her to make her own decisions  and know that they hold weight. However, it took everything inside me not to pull her out because it went against everything I was teaching her at home. Your body, your choice, don’t judge people by they way they look, be yourself, do what makes you happy, not what you think is expected.  I still preach it loudly everyday in hopes I’m derailing teachings  that preach the opposite.

This year there was an incident when Elle was asked to switch a skirt because it was too short. I had noticed she’d had a growth spurt (she’s all legs), and had every intention of ordering new skirts but the school noticed before I could. She didn’t get in trouble, she just came home with a longer skirt. This was handled fine, but the fact that now she’s aware of a skirt hem length at 8 years old doesn’t sit well with me. We had a lengthy discussion about wearing whatever you want, however long or short, and that the way a person (especially a woman) dresses has no direct reflection or correlation to a persons character or worth.

Now back to today, after I assured her that she did absolutely nothing wrong and she was not in trouble, I took her out for ice cream because she deserved it. I told her that it probably wouldn’t be her last detention, and in some cases it might actually be her fault, but I’d still love her no matter what. Perfection is unattainable and something I DO NOT expect from her, it’s not even something I’d applaud. These incidents have opened the doors to many life conversations, and given me opportunities to explain the faults in religion and Catholic school rules and regulations.  I 100% believe that they are outdated and not of the times. I think the Catholic school system has wonderful attributes with an utterly flawed handbook. I also think it can be changed  so that it can reach its full potential, the potential this younger generation needs to be good, faithful people that see past purple hair, short hemlines, and a logo on a sock.  Rant over.